I really hate that question. I mean REALLY hate it. It's a common question. I'm guilty of asking it. But when someone asks me I stutter and stammer and appear to be having a stroke or something. Some people have fabulous answers to this question...doctor, nurse, lawyer, there are answers with lots of letters, and answers like, "I work at..." Those are good answers, but I struggle with mine. My general reaction is something like, "my husband and I have a dairy farm" but that leads to more of the "what do you do" questions. Um...pay the bills....raise the kids...supervise....which leads to the, "so you don't work on the farm?" question. Of course I begin having another one of the stroke-like episodes where I stutter "yes, I mean, no, well, sometimes...." Over the years I have come up with a few little self-deprecating anecdotes about breaking things or being slow, but I've never really nailed the answer. It's like a test I continue to fail so they keep giving it to me.
I suppose many other stay-at-homers have the same issue. Lots of people (including some of my family) think that not having a "real job" means I sit around watching soaps eating bon-bons (whatever a bon-bon is), or run around town spending money, or playing on facebook all day. I won't lie...some days I don't do lots of meaningful things. Some days I run around, or I have lunch with my friends or my grandparents, sometimes I just sit at the house with the 2 little Milkmaids. Those days are few and far between. Being a stay-at-homer isn't easy. I have friends that never understood then decided to give it a whirl. Most of them are back to their sanity at a "real job." Staying at home is hard enough, but staying at home on the farm is hard work.
When I say hard work I don't mean, "I gotta go to work today, be home after 5" kind of work. I mean the "this ain't no 9-5" kind of work. The 24/7/365 work. Stay at home moms typically have a husband that goes to work. He physically drives to another destination and stays there all day. The Milkman's destination is just a hop, skip, and a jump away. I'm thankful for this. Because when the 2 year old locks herself in the bathroom so she can "take a bash" and the key is MIA daddy can come in really quick and save the day. Or when the washing machine is pouring water onto the floor instead of washing the clothes the Mr. Fixit Milkman can quit whatever he's elbow deep in to see what's wrong. It is awful handy having him so close, but let's not forget the flip side to that coin. It also means when he needs something I'm just a phone call and a few steps away. He may need a tool from the tool graveyard we have in the laundry room (those things forget to jump out of the Carhart's and come in to die.) Or, he may need parts, and that requires a trip to town, maybe two. Sometimes it's that meeting that accidentally slipped his mind and can I please go for him? And the Milkman puts in about 12 hours a day on average...so he runs in for breakfast, lunch, and usually dinner. Most days I cook one big evening meal and if I'm here he likes eggs in the morning and a sandwich for lunch, and I don't mind.
The Milkman works harder than anyone I know. He is the kind of guy that can get covered in grease in a sterile room, and this job is D-I-R-T-Y. Which means every time he comes in he brings the job he's been doing in with him. I'm not complaining. I'm just painting a picture for you of how my days of soaps and bon-bons get interrupted.
I have lots of responsibilities when it comes to my family just like every other mom out there. I do the bill paying and accounting for the farm and the household, laundry, cleaning, yard work (I help as much as I can), I'm the taxi driver for the kids, the party planner, a referee, a counselor, a untrained nurse, a walking calendar and dictionary, the go-fer (go fer this and go fer that), I do the grocery shopping, and the clothing shopping (the Milkman doesn't like to leave the farm for clothes buying...even his), and much more. Sometimes I wish someone would say, "Oh, you have a farm? What do you NOT do?" That I can answer. I do not keep a spotless house as much as I'd like to, I do not watch soaps or eat bon-bons, I do not live off my sugar-daddy Milkman, I do not have a "real job."
I may not be a real dairy farmer, or have a super cool job title, or be able to answer that silly question that seems to define each of us, but I have lots of jobs. And the really awesome thing about those jobs is that even when they are a little stressful I know that I am doing what's best for my family. My milkmaids need me to do what I do, the Milkman needs me to do what I do, and I love every minute of it. Some days I question if I've lost myself or my independence, but the answer is always the same. No way! The reason our family and our farm survives is because we all depend on each other. God has given us the ability to live our lives this way and as long as it is His will, that's how we will live it! I am so thankful it's this way.
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