Friday, May 30, 2014

Diary of a Dairy Wife: What's it Take?

I am not a farmer.

I don't have all the ingredients it takes to be a farmer.

If I were to list some of the ingredients it takes to be a farmer that list would include the following:
      *Ability to work in all weather conditions.
When The Weather Channel has the warnings and it says something like, "long term exposure may lead to death" the Milkman steps up to the face of death and still feeds, milks, and tends to the cows. I stay inside and I may use the Milkmaids as a legitimate excuse, but I'd find another one if I didn't have them.

      *Willingness to work extremely long hours (even in extreme conditions.)
I'm out. I will do physical labor when necessary. I will help out. I will work a day or two of long hours, but continuously...No. Thank. You. The Milkman can have it!

      *Love of everything outdoors.
I mean pretty much everything. I like pretty weather, sun, blue sky, white puffy clouds, puppies, calves, cows, the equipment. But I don't like cow manure, the smell of chicken litter, 105 degrees, -5 degrees, rain, lightening....especially lightening, birds...ick, The Milkman loves being outside and he doesn't mind any of the things that make me cringe.

      *The ability to fix just about anything.
I can fix supper. I can fix a slinky, I can fix hair, but planes, trains, and automobiles? I'm out. The Milkman can fix just about any piece of equipment we have on the farm. Probably because everything we use predates us by a few years and it was before computerized everything. He doesn't do the big jobs, but he can do maintenance on anything and make repairs on just about everything.

      *Conservation.
This one I can say that I am a part of. Farmers LOVE the land they farm and the animals they have. The land, water, and air are things we can't just make more of. The land we farm on has been through 3 generations of The Milkman's family and other people's families before that. In our area there isn't much affordable land that we could add to ours. We take good care of what we have. Farmers want to pass their farms on and if we make bad decisions in the care of our resources then there will be nothing for us to pass on to the next generation. We will have nothing but ruin to show for all our hard work if we don't take care of what we have, and considering a farmer's pride...we just won't do things we can't be proud of. Farmers care about every part of their farming operation. And while this is a soapbox topic, we really don't need a governmental agency regulating things that they have no understanding of. We chose to be ahead of the regulations that we have, but the government keeps reaching its arm out to places it needs to stay out of. (I will stop there before I get on the box.)

There are so many more ingredients that are required to make a farmer, a farmer. And that list doesn't include all of 'em.

I may not be a farmer, but a farmer's wife I am.

It takes a special person to be a farmer's wife. Apparently I was cut out for this job. I will list a few ingredients of a farmer's wife:
      *Willingness to drop everything (and hurry).
When the Milkman is at another one of our farms and he breaks down, I get the phone call. It either contains the words "come get me" or "go to [whichever] parts store and get this, this, and this" and then...you are supposed to stop, immediately, and go to whichever parts store and tell the man (treating you like a 5 year old girl) that you need this, this, and this and be prepared for said man to ask you 100 questions you don't know the answer to. This is the part where you explain that you are a gofer (gofer this and gofer that) and you either tell the man to get the *explicit* parts, or you call your husband and ask him all the man's questions.
-You will also drop everything when it is lunchtime, suppertime, snack time, or cold beverage time.
-Sometimes you will drop everything because The Milkman comes in with half his leg wide open because he couldn't make his feet move as fast as his brain and he slipped off the loader bucket and can we just get a bandaid? No, dear, what you need is 20 stitches and a doctor. But after you drop everything, he returns to the tractor because...well someone has to put out feed.

      *Ability to wait (and wait.)
Because when you date/marry a farmer time to go out to eat isn't normal. We go when the work is done. 9pm? McDonalds is still open. Is it summer? Sonic is open 'till midnight! Fine dining. And on the odd night that the work is done at an appropriate hour and you go to eat...you mean we have to WAIT to get a table? I should have worked a little later and we could have got right in. Oh yes...waiting must be hard on you, farmer. And when you go to the doctor and she says, "You are dilated to a 4 and we consider that active labor go to L&D and we will admit you." The Milkman replies, "Can we go home first and...um...get our bag?" What he really meant was, "We will be back in about 5 hours because I need some lunch and I have to go home and get all the work done while my wife folds 500 loads of laundry [waiting] on the cows to be fed." True story. And guess what...some days the waiting sucks, but it is always worth it.

      *Are you a planner? You are disqualified.
The furthest in advance that you can plan is supper, maybe. Vacations? Do not pay a deposit. You will regret losing that $500. Everything we "plan" is with friends that either don't mind if they have to go wherever without us, with other farmers that fully understand our occupational hazards, or without the Milkman. Most of our friends have always understood that we cannot make plans and we will let you know within the hour before departure if we are certain we can make it or not. Sometimes it changes within that hour. If you get distraught because when things do not go as planned, you will have a very difficult time living with a farmer. Don't by tickets to that concert unless you can make peace with the money you spend being lost. Usually we make things happen. We make the concerts or the plans with our friends, but vacations are too far. We go if we can throw stuff in the car and head out. The Milkman and I have been married for 11 years. We have been on about 3 actual vacations. We may do a weekend or a 3-4 day trip, but a full blown vacation is not a yearly event.

      *Willingness to throw on your boots/running shoes with whatever outfit you may have on.
There will be a time when you look out the window and a herd of cows is standing in your front yard. If you have your PJs on your rubber boots will look exquisite when you run outside to chase cows back to wherever they came from. Inevitably it will be in the rain. You will splash mud and whatever gifts they leave behind up your backside. Just be aware of that when it is Sunday and you have just come in from church and the bovine are greeting you after services. Sometimes spray and wash doesn't get that out.

      *Love.
You have to love your farmer with every fiber of your being. There will be times that you are mad or that you feel neglected. If you marry a farmer you marry him knowing that the farm isn't more important than you, but it will come before your desire to go see a movie, go to a wedding, visit your family, or anything else. The farm is as much your farmer's love as you are. I may feel a little neglected sometimes, but I know...in my sane brain...(whenever I can find that...it's long hidden) that The Milkman loves the farm and he loves it for me and the Milkmaids. He loves it because it is part of us and it provides for us and without his constant attention our farm doesn't function. So as much as The Milkman loves our farm, I love him enough to let him do whatever he has to, to keep us up and running.

Being a farmer is a hard, dirty, demanding job. I don't want it. The farmer's wife has a tough job too. She may not get dirty or work all day in the extreme hot or cold, but she puts her heart and soul into her farmer and he puts both of their hearts and souls into seeing their dreams fulfilled. My job may not seem like much of a job, but when you break it down, it ain't easy. It is awesome. And I love it.

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