It went on for a year or so. I wanted to start this blog. But I wasn't very confident in it. I wasn't understanding why that feeling was tugging at me.
I am not really that person that puts things on the Internet that I don't want people to know. I don't air my dirty laundry on Facebook. I don't like to post vague status updates for attention. When I post on Facebook it is either a lengthy soap box edition or something that absolutely nobody thinks about the next day...or the next second.
I told my friends about this blog idea and they were, of course, encouraging. I have really good friends, y'all. They are awesome. They listen to that nonsense that I don't post on Facebook. They always tell me what they really think...even when it isn't what I want to hear. But on this topic they encouraged me to just start the dang blog already. I wanted it, God was working on me about it, and my girlfriends were helping. Mrs. Fancy Pants even volunteered to proof my posts...for free...because she's awesome....and because I don't get paid. But mostly because she's awesome. (...in case you forgot how awesome you are...consider yourself reminded.)
So I did it.
I did it thinking I would write about farming. I am incredibly passionate about agriculture. About consumers and farmers finding somewhere to share methods, fears, and truths. We need to find a place where we can cut out the fear mongers and the falsehoods....just cut the crap and be able to talk without it being political or slanted. Back to when consumers and farmers had respect and trust in each other before someone trying to make an extra buck or two spread some nonsense and started a war between people that produce and people that eat.
I could really go on a rant here, but I've locked away my soap box because this post isn't about just agriculture.
I thought this blog was going to be about my agriculture passions.
And if you've read any of my posts....it isn't.
I am a dairy farmer's wife. The Milkman and I put all we have into our farm. Into producing milk. Into being a part of feeding our nation and the world. Obviously we are proud of it. Even though I didn't realize it at the time....the name "DIARY of a Dairy Wife" is quite fitting.
My little place here on the Internet isn't all about the farming. It is about our lives. About my thoughts and fears and beliefs and passions. I have poured my faith into this blog. I have talked about our farm, and the state of the world, and my values, and how I see things.
I have struggled. Sometimes that is why I don't have a post. I haven't been doing this long enough to really build a nest egg of posts. I don't have one ready to publish on the weeks I'm busy or have writer's block. Quite frankly...I don't do any of this like the pros would tell you to. I'm wordy and lengthy, and inconsistent. But, hey, I'm here...sometimes it's the showing up that counts.
I want you, my readers, to see things from my perspective. To feel what I'm feeling. To have an idea of what I am going through as I am going through it. Because this is my diary.
My most emotional post was the one I wrote when our barn burnt. It was very hard to write. It took me several days and lots of writing and deleting to get it out. It was a very difficult time. Not all these posts will have that amount of emotion. I won't be able to reach every reader every time, but I hope that y'all will stick this out with me. I want to do something good with this little adventure.
I don't know why I named this blog "Diary of a Diary Wife," and I still wonder what in the world I am doing. And if anything I write even matters. I wonder if anyone is really reading it or if my friends are continually visiting the website to make me feel better about the numbers. (Y'all just keep that up if that's the case...) But I know God was working on me to start it...so this is me showing my faith with a blog. Seems like a strange way to show faith.
I'm going to continue believing that my blog will touch someone's life. Because sometimes we don't know why we do what we do, but God does. There is purpose in the things we do. And most of the time those things we do on faith are the ones that pay off the biggest.
I still haven't seen the true purpose for me putting this "diary" out for everyone to read (I pretty much ask why? every day), but there is one. I'm enjoying myself, if nothing else.
Do what you are led to do knowing there is a purpose...even if you can't figure out what it is. What we don't know God does and it's important to show some faith. Even if it's by doing something that seems insignificant or silly.
Just do it already! If I can fumble through this....you can do anything.
Thank y'all for taking this journey with me!
P.S. If y'all haven't already found me on Facebook there's a page under Diary of a Dairy Wife. I'd love to see your feedback or have you share the blog. Or you can just "like" it. Boost my ego a bit. Yeah...I'm human.